That's me: Franck Amory.
Pretty in pictures, but less for real.
I work at Publisher Schaudel, who publishes a lot of comics.
As a child I was fond of drawing and especially manga.
Those two next to me are my best friends.
We all have changed... Well, almost all.
The guy with the Ray-Ban is Sam.
He works in human resources.
Since he's worked there, the number of females have increased from 32% to 80%.
That bombs.
This is Alex, the nicest guy I know, but also the weirdest.
He works as a courier, to the chagrin of his boss.
He loves "Speed" and "Fast and Furious".
Today, 25 June, is a special day, because it's my birthday!
Happy birthday, Franck. Kisses.
Hi Sonia. Thank you. I hope to see you soon...
- Happy birthday. - Thanks, buddy. That's sweet.
Just kidding. It's a parcel for Aurëlie Goudart.
Look what I found in the van.
- Shouldn't you deliver it somewhere? - As long as he doesn't claim it...
Fantastic, eh.
And such a great zoom. It rocks!
I can see you, fatso.
What a fool!
I have to go. See you later for groceries.
- See you! - Yeah, later!
Typically me.
This guy takes me to his home. He starts to fuck me.
But then his girlfriend enters...
while we are busy. You don't do that, right?
She starts freaking out: "You fucked my friend."
I said, "Wait a minute, I'm fucking him so he is MY sweetheart."
And you know what she said? "What is your problem?"
- I say, "Nothing. What is your problem?" - Estelle...
And then she shut up. I fuck him, that's all.
- Estelle, I... - I fuck him, he fucks me, that's all.
Wait, Mom. What?
What?
I can't leave you alone for 5 minutes? I have to meet the boss.
- What for? - To get a better life, I hope.
Hurry. I won't do everything on my own.
Sorry, what where you saying?
Which floor are you going?
Is that "Scream 4"?
So what? If you don't have friends, join Facebook.
What are you staring at? I'm not your sweetie.
Get out of here.
Imbecile.
Sidney's cousin is the killer.
See you, brat.
I didn't see it coming, it was just there!
The rear-view mirror is gone. Lousy courier.
I would have killed him!
Not important? On the contrary.
I don't want to arrive in a wreck.
For the one time we take a break
I'd like to take advantage of the convertible.
I have to let you go. Kisses.
What are you doing here? Are you new?
I've been working at reception for two years. I'm Franck Amory.
Oh yes.
What are you doing in my office?
I draw comics.
I work here and hope to show my drawings one day.
And today I thought: "Let's just ask, and..."
- No problem. - Thank you for calling me back.
As soon as possible.
Why a week?
It's only a mirror.
But it's just a bit loose.
I'm coming to you, I’ll be there in five minutes.
Mr. Schaudel?
Imitate a squirrel.
- And now a dinosaur. - No.
Come on. You'll get money for one million views on YouTube.
If you want to see a prehistoric animal, we'll film your grandmother!
- Come on, Sam, please. - Stop it.
My camera, now look.
Guys, that much alcohol?
You'll be 30. You want us to buy kiddie-beer?
But so much.
Laure's coming too. That makes 33.
- 33? Who exactly? - Sandrine, Laure, Lucie, Claire...
Who are all these girls? I don't know any.
Who cares. They're all pretty.
Especially Lucie, a new girl at work, with huge tits.
The problem is she's married, but we'll forgive her.
re there any chicks you don't find handsome?
- Yes, your ex-girlfriends. - That's not kind to your mother.
This is not for my birthday.
You organized this party for yourself.
Well, if your friends don't confirm...
Who didn't confirm?
Sébastien Hamel, Sylvain Legal, Sonia Lamar...
- Sonia Lamar isn't coming. - Who's she?
My ex. She also worked at Schaudel.
Now she sells cupcakes.
I don't know her. When was that?
Last year, at her farewell drink.
She kissed me during "I Want You Back" by The Jackson 5.
- Were you guys together a long time? - Yes and no...
When did you last see her?
At her farewell drink.
That was quite a relationship.
Surely you made many plans?
Just stop. I gotta get back to work.
And don't you laugh. You have to pay for your chicks.
- Again that's not kind to his mother. - Keep my mother out of this!
- All well, honey? - Yes.
The babysitter was attacked on the subway.
My God! That's terrible...
Yes, she can't come for three weeks.
No, for us I mean. Who will watch the kid?
You just go alone, I'll look after Rémi.
You're kidding, darling. It's the Publisher Night.
Everyone is bringing his partner. What about me?
- I'll find a solution. Big kiss. - You too.
My dear François, you're a godsend.
- Franck. - Whatever.
Do you have plans for tonight?
- Yes. - I'm not asking.
You'll babysit my son.
That will be hard. It's my birthday and...
François. You want to show me your drawings on Monday?
- Yes, but... - Perfect.
7 pm, 7 Rue de la ferme in Saint-Germain-en-Laye.
We have it all arranged, but what could I say?
I must grab this opportunity, it's too important.
- By the way, can you take me there? - Where is it?
7 Rue de la ferme in Saint-Germain-en-Laye.
Forget it. I don't have my passport.
Is it that far?
- Hello, who's there? - Hello, I'm the sitter.
- Hello, François. - Franck.
Sorry, Franck. I'm Claire.
- Thanks for babysitting Rémi. - You're welcome.
Hello François. You took your time.
It's a one and a half hour trip.
If you had told me, you could have come with me.
Good. I'll show you the house.
Come in.
Can you take off your shoes?
Sure.
Thanks.
- There's something of an artist in your son. - No, I made it.
I paint, now I stay home for Rémi.
This is the sitting room, the remote controls...
for the TV, the DVD player, the blinds, the curtains and the fireplace.
You don't have to worry, I already fed the fish.
And Phoenix as well.
- A beautiful animal. - Marc is fascinated by ornithology.
A rare species. He's had him for 20 years.
Since before we knew each other.
There's the kitchen.
In the morning Rémi takes Nesquik and a sandwich with Nutella.
- Why "in the morning"? - We return around 6 pm tomorrow.
- Ah? - I forgot the most important thing.
Rémi has asthma. This is his inhaler, just in case.
In the cupboards...
No, don't put anything on that cabinet.
This plate is all that Marc has left from his father.
He is very attached to it.
Your room is upstairs next to Rémi's playroom.
I'll call him.
Rémi, can you come down?
This is Franck.
- Say hello, Rémi. - Hello Rémi.
He's shy, it'll pass in an hour or two.
You go give Daddy a kiss? He's packing.
Why doesn't he come?
Please, darling. He's busy.
- As usual. - What are we waiting for?
What is it?
You said you'd come watch me play football.
You think I have a choice? I have to go for my work, not for playing golf.
Next time I’ll come, promise.
But it's the finals, there isn't a next time.
The next time then.
I'll buy you a sweater from PSG. Okay?
Fuck you.
I buy anything he wants and still he's not satisfied.
This is for you. We'll call you later.
- Thank you. - Till tomorrow.
Bye. Have a good trip.
That's cool.
- Excuse me, Mr. Schaudel! - Yes?
Your hedge is more than seven feet high.
I'll complain to the municipality if you do nothing.
Thanks for telling, Mr. Monet.
Stick-in-the-mud.
Rémi?
Ouch, damn it.
Who said you could come in?
We got off on the wrong foot, but that's okay. It's not too late.
I'm going to watch a movie. Do you want to come with me?
You have 3 seconds to leave my room,
or I'll tell my parents you touched my butt.
- What? - One. Two.
Three!
I hope everything goes well.
Don't worry. He's a serious guy.
I mean Rémi.
Why wouldn't it go well?
He's becoming difficult.
It's normal for kids his age.
We were all rebellious when we were ten years old.
He is disappointed about the football match tomorrow.
We can ask the sitter to take him.
With what car? Your brand-new 4x4?
My Range? Yeah right!
It's not just the finals, you never saw him play once.
Oh, come on! My dad never came to watch rugby
and I have quite a successful life.
Don't we still have fun together?
Everything okay, Rémi? Do you need something?
You want to watch the movie?
Listen, Rémi...
You shouldn't... I know you...
- Take me to the fair. - No. I'm responsible for you.
I don't want you to get hurt.
Watch the film with me instead.
It's "The Departed". A good movie.
No. I already saw it.
DiCaprio dies in the end.
- Hello? - It's Claire.
Hello Claire. Did you arrive okay?
Yes, thank you. Everything alright?
- Yes, very good. - Can I speak with Rémi.
He's already asleep.
Already? At this hour?
We played a lot, so he'll sleep very well.
- At least he's a good boy. - Yes, indeed.
- Okay, see you tomorrow, Franck. - Till tomorrow. Thank you.
Where were you? I've been looking for one hour.
I phone Franck. I wanted to know how Rémi is.
Stop mothering him.
- Here. - Who is it?
No one, it's for you to take my photo when I go on stage.
Come on, quickly.
- You look beautiful. - Thank you.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome on stage,
the editor of the year, Mr. Marc Schaudel, Schaudel Editions.
- Yes? - Hello, Mr. Schaudel?
Yes! -- This is the police.
Do you live on 7 Rue de la ferme in Saint-Germain-en-Laye?
Yes, why?
There has been an incident last night at your house.
An incident? What happened?
It's a little difficult to explain on the phone.
- Is that Rémi? - Is it our son?
- Your son? - Yes, he's at home with the babysitter.
I'm sorry, but there's no one here.
What, nobody?
- Hello? - Franck, it's Claire Schaudel.
Sorry madam, this is still the police.
Apparently the babysitter left his phone at your house.
What...
What happened?
Commissioner Laville. Mr. and Mrs. Schaudel, I presume?
- Yes. - Did you find my son?
Not yet. We established a crisis team
and abduction alert has been sent to all media.
It will be broadcast every 3 hours without interruption.
- This is a nightmare. - Who told you?
Your car was involved in a hit and run last night.
That's why we're here.
- My Range? - Yes.
This is officer Caillaud.
who is responsible for establishing a psychological profile for criminals.
You think the sitter kidnapped our son?
That's hard to say.
He's not known to the police,
and he has no criminal record.
But the worst psychopaths often stay unnoticed.
What do you mean "the worst psychopaths"?
Do you mean child murderers?
Not necessarily. Also rapists or organ traders.
Then we'll find them alive.
But don't be too optimistic, that brings bad luck.
Did you have a dispute with the sitter?
No.
This was under the couch. Perhaps a clue.
- Is this yours? - No.
Give it to me,
- it might be a snuff movie. - What's a snuff movie?
A murder filmed with an amateur camera.
We'll examine it immediately. Connect this.
Take it easy.
- Ready, boss. - Can we start it?
Go ahead.
Good evening everyone and welcome to Alex TV.
In "Have a Laugh" aiming for 1 million views on YouTube.
I know him. What's he doing in front of my house?
Who is it?
The idiot courier who ran into me yesterday.
You have his name? Did you file a report?
No, I didn't and he ran off.
We switch to our reporter, Sam.
This is a big night, because we're here
for the birthday of our pal Franck.
Will he cry? Laugh? Cry with laughter?
We'll find out, right now!
Exciting.
His boss is well off.
I'm not surprised - Franck told me he doesn't pay taxes.
He puts everything in accounts in Switzerland.
He pays the maid cash-in-hand.
- That's not true. What nonsense. - Yes, what nonsense.
There he is. Happy birthday.
What are you doing here?
Celebrating your birthday.
Are you crazy? This is my boss's house!
You want me to get fired? And the kid is asleep.
Let us in, I love children.
"I love children." That doesn't sound good.
- Sonia will come too. - Sonia? That's a joke?
- You're kidding, right? - No, she confirmed on Facebook.
No way. Get out!
Then call her to cancel.
- I don't have her number. - Tell her when she's here.
Let us in. You're going to ruin everything!
Ruin what? I have to babysit the kid!
We thought of everything.
- What's that? - A sedative.
Have you gone crazy? Why not ecstasy while you're at it?
Ecstasy is too dangerous for a child.
- So is a sedative. - It's plant-based.
If you're afraid, just give him half a dose.
No way. Listen to me.
There's no party and that's it.
Goodbye.
- Are you sure he won't wake up? - He'll be sleeping until tomorrow.
Stop. It's a risk. I hope it isn't dangerous.
Did Sonia tell you what time she'd arrive?
She'll soon be here.
What a MILF! The mother is super handsome.
- But he's an ugly dude. - He looks like Gollum.
- You're a bastard. - Why?
You insult Gollum.
They drug my son and laugh at me. Am I Gollum?
Wait till they encounter Gollum.
On their face! And I'm Gollum?
Who is Gollum anyway?
No idea.
Damn, it's the mother.
Say hello to her from me.
Shut up! Get out of the room!
Madam, I love you.
- Quiet, you. - I said nothing.
- Hello? - It's Claire.
Hello Claire. Did you arrive okay?
Yes, thank you. Everything alright?
- Yes, very good. - Can I speak with Rémi?
He's already asleep.
Already? At this hour?
We played a lot, so he'll sleep very well.
- At least he's a good boy. - Yes, indeed.
- Okay, see you tomorrow, Franck. - Till tomorrow. Thank you.
Sleep well, little Adolf.
Leave him alone, for crying out loud! Get out of there! It's not true!
But it's okay.
- What's that? - The door bell.
Sonia?
Go on, Franck, the girls have arrived.
What the hell? You told me only Sonia was coming!
No, you were told that she would come. Not that she'd be the only one.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Good evening, everyone. Excuse me.
It is very nice that you all came for my birthday.
- And for the beer... - And for the beer.
But there's a little problem. I'm afraid...
Hello Franck.
- Happy birthday. - Sonia.
- What is she doing there? - Who is she?
She worked for me. Until last year.
Sonia Lamar. I never forget a face.
Sweet of you to come for my birthday. It's cool.
I had nothing better to do. I was passing by.
- Well... Welcome everyone. - Thank you!
Could you take off your shoes?
I told you he was funny.
No, really. Could you... I mean it.
- Can I put this somewhere? - The kitchen is over there.
Did you have problems with her?
Dismissal, sexual harassment?
Not at all!
Rigot, I want Sonia Lamar's number.
This reminds me of the Pascal René case.
- The Pascal René case? - Another missing child.
- Did you find him? - Yes, but not in one piece.
Look at those labels. Just old wine. All expired. Look.
Tema.
Stop your bullshit, Alex. I don't feel well.
- What is it? - Have you seen Sonia?
- Yes, so what? - Turn that off.
- What about Sonia? - What a killer bitch.
I would leave my wife and kids for her.
Luckily you have neither.
So it's less painful for them.
You can't do that to Franck on the night of his birthday.
- Tomorrow then. - You're right, I'm booked.
Anyway, tonight I'm stuck
with Lucie, married to a big oaf, who's joining me at midnight.
- What are you doing? - I'll take some Ruinart.
- You're not taking anything. Upstairs! - One bottle.
Alex, put that back. Come on, upstairs!
- Then what do we drink? - Come on, Alex.
What's that? Did you offer them a drink?
- It's nice but far. - Yes.
Sonia, my friends, Sam and Alex.
- Hello. - Hi.
This is Ernest. My sex buddy.
- But no, he's my cousin. He’s married. - And in love. Hello.
- Hi. - Hi.
Pleased to meet you.
Sonia talks a lot about you.
"Sylvain this, Sylvain that, Sylvain did this..."
"Well, Sylvain did that..."
My name is Franck.
That's okay. You look like a nice guy.
Who wants a drink?
- Sonia, I got Ruinart. - No, I don't drink alcohol anymore.
Why not?
I really freaked out last time,
at my farewell drink at Schaudel.
I was so pissed that I remember nothing at all.
- Nothing at all? - A total blackout.
I'll have a glass of Ruinart.
Wouldn't you rather have a Schweppes?
No, Ruinart is fine.
- Everything fine? - Yes.
- Want a drink? - Yes.
- A chicken. - A goat.
- A velociraptor. - Yes.
Rather Franck's mother!
- I can also imitate a turtle. - This is cool.
I'm a fan.
Fantastic what you're doing with your body.
I can do much more.
And I can imitate a sea lion.
Oh yeah? Show me!
Here! The sea lion.
- You also work with Manpower? - Yes.
- My wife as well. - That's cool.
- There's the Ruinart. - Yeah, the Ruinart.
That's your mobile, Sonia.
- That's my friend. - You have a friend?
You wanted to make a pass at me?
- Sonia, I'm sorry. - Oaf.
Sorry. Where did it land?
- My mouth. What a fool. - I'm sorry.
I think you caught her in the eye!
- I'm sorry. Are you bleeding? - Are you alright?
I'm sorry. It just flew out. I don't open bottles that often.
- Are you alright? - I'm fine.
- I'll get the door. - Can you see anything?
- Surprise. Where's the party? - Damn, guys. Are you serious?
Isn't it a costume party?
We forgot to warn you. Sorry, guys.
- Great. - It sucks. We struggled on the Metro.
Come on, hey, it's okay. You'll feel better after this.
I knew nothing. I didn't organize it.
Here's to Franck and our student years.
- With Blanchard. - The economy professor?
Yeah, the eco prof.
To the sex bomb of the class.
The brunette with the big tits. Everyone fucked her.
What a slut. And no entrance fee.
Oh, the whore!
She didn't eat pork, but she was like an animal.
- What was her name? - No idea.
- Myriam? - Myriam!
Yes, Myriam Elalaoui.
- That's my sister. - Really?
I'll go see if the kid is still asleep.
Perverts!
- Elalaoui. They have the same last name. - So we fucked his sister.
- We fucked his sister? - We fucked his sister.
- I fucked her as well. - Bastard.
Everyone sat on her.
Oh no.
Look, Gérard de Gaulle. What a ridiculous mustache.
Happy birthday, Francky!
Happy birthday, Franck!
Say "Happy birthday", Coco.
Happy birthday, Franck!
You want a drink? Are you thirsty? Wait.
Here, it's Ruinart.
Nice, huh?
Okay, enough, or you'll get addicted to booze.
More? Want some more?
Where's he going?
Damn, he isn't moving.
- I think he's dead. - Did we kill him?
Fuck!
- What now? - We have to resuscitate him.
Quickly, before Franck sees it.
- Put him in your briefs. - You're sick, they smell.
So what? He's dead, he won't smell anything.
What are you doing here?
Is he dead?
- No. - No.
- Yes, he looks dead. - No, he's not.
Wait. One, two, three, four, five and six.
One, two, three, four.
It's an animal. Do mouth-to-beak resuscitation.
One, two, three... One, two, three...
Wake up, Coco.
Wait, I'll take his pulse.
We need to come up with something.
Wait, don't move. Fly, Coco!
Commissioner, Sonia Lamar is unreachable.
Leave a message. Ask her to call back.
The whole house has been searched. No trace of the child.
Have you looked in the freezer?
No, it's not true.
It could be.
Enough is enough.
Now the fuse blew?
Happy birthday, buddy.
- Blow them out. - Come on!
Go ahead, take one. I made them.
- Really? - Yes.
Take one, I made them myself.
What is it?
That's vanilla and chicken. This is chocolate and chili.
And the pink is ratatouille and blueberries.
Is it good?
- Yes, very tasty. - Delicious.
- Really? - Of course!
Come on, a speech.
Speech, speech.
I don't like speeches.
- Thanks for coming to my birthday. - And for the beer.
And for beer too.
But I must ask you to leave.
This is the house of my boss
and I'm here to babysit his son.
I hope you understand. I'm sorry.
That's a joke.
Very funny, though.
No, but seriously.
I'm looking for the owner.
Good evening, police. I'm looking for the owner.
- That's me. No, but it's complicated. - Are you or not?
No, but I'm the babysitter.
We received a complaint from the neighbours about the noise.
I need to speak to the owners right away.
Don't bother, these people are just leaving.
- Have you been drinking? - A little.
- While you're babysitting? - Just one glass...
You come with us.
That's not necessary. Everyone's leaving. What are you doing?
I swear. These people were just leaving. It's not a joke.
Happy birthday, buddy.
Striptease cam!
Go away! Go away!
- Happy birthday, buddy. - I filmed everything.
Bye bye.
- You did enjoy it, huh? - It was magic.
- Did you like yours? - Of course.
Ah, that doesn't surprise me.
I wish I'd been in your place.
Yeah, sure.
Hey, Franck! Don't worry, I found another shirt.
Bunch of assholes. Doing this in front of Sonia.
It was for fun. Didn't you enjoy it?
With a stranger's ass in my face, with Sonia present?
Oddly enough, I didn't enjoy it.
I can't imagine anything worse.
- Franck? - What is it?
Behind you.
- He's not asleep. - He must be sleepwalking. That's it.
Rémi. Hey!
I'm screwed!
Rémi! Wait!
Listen, I'll explain.
It's my 30th birthday today and I have some weird friends
who invited people here.
I'll try to send them away.
I'd like your father to not know about this.
Can I count on your discretion?
Sure. But I want 300 euros.
- What? - 300 euros.
Or I'll call my father, are you deaf?
- How do I get 300 euros? - My parents gave you money right?
You have three seconds, one...
- Rémi, are you crazy or what? - That's it, or else I call my father.
- Satisfied? - 100 euro short. I'll go call my dad
Wait, I don't have it. Wait for me in your room.
Excuse me,
could you lend me some money?
Of course, Sylvain.
- I'll pay you back. - How much?
Do you have a pen?
What do you want? Money?
No, no, never mind.
Tony, do you have a little bit of money to lend me, please?
I have only five euros.
Rémi, I have 30 euros.
Rémi? Where is he?
- No idea. - Rémi?
- Your mobile phone is on that chair. - Fuck.
- What is all this? - What is it?
13 missed calls.
The brat.
He sent a text message to all the women in my contacts.
What text message?
I want to fuck your ass.
MOM
Apparently someone is interested.
I'll kill him. I'll finish him off.
I'll kill him. I swear!
"I'll kill him."
Does Amory go to a psychologist?
No idea.
I hardly know him. I only met him twice.
You said you knew him well.
You entrust our child to a stranger?
Is it my fault that your babysitter lets us down?
I had to find a solution!
Are you crazy? Your evening is more important than Rémi?
You're the most self-centered man I know.
I'm not that selfish, am I?
When we make love, you call your name.
What do you call that?
Rémi?
Remi!
- Is he in the garden? - No, he's not in the garden.
- Hey, Sam! - What?
The little one is gone. Come search.
Don't worry. I'll go find him.
- Remi! - Remi!
Where's that little brat?
- This bedroom is far out. - Where are you? It's not funny.
Remi!
- Did she see me? - Yes, Frank, I saw you.
- I'm sorry, Sonia. - It's okay.
I think I saw her panties.
Sam!
- Did you see him? - I searched everywhere, found nothing.
Hi guys. What's the plan?
Want to play Scrabble?
No time. We're looking for a kid.
- Rémi? - Yes.
The kid in a sweater with a red hood?
- Yes, that's him. - No, I haven't seen him.
I was just joking.
- He went home by bike. - This is his home.
Then I don't know where he’s going.
Hey!
A runaway. Just what we needed.
I'll get a car and we'll go look for him.
Oh shit!
All right, guys, I found a car!
Great car. I'm going in the front.
Hey, guys, where are you going?
The Schaudel kid ran off. We're going looking for him.
- You're kidding. - It's true.
Wait, I'll come along. Come on. I'll explain.
- What's the plan? - I'll tel you, come along!
- Quickly! - You're going for a ride?
We're having a problem and have to leave.
Can you get rid of everybody?
No problem. Everything is under control
- Let's rock. - Thanks guys. It's cool.
Let's go. Get out.
Fuck! Where could he have gone?
Let's put ourselves in his place.
Where would he go?
- As a child I ran away once. - Where to?
After 3 days they still didn't miss me.
So I went back home.
Look over there. The Fête des Loges!
The funfair. Of course. That's where we go.
And we'll look for the kid later.
Damn, I forgot her.
- Who? - Lucie, that married woman.
- That's my wife's name as well. - A married woman?
To help the couple. She's frustrated.
- You're so sympathetic. - Exactly.
Listen how happy she is.
- Hello? - Hello.
There's been a change of plans. The party is over.
I was just about to leave. Can you come to my house?
That's going to be difficult as I'm far from the 15th district.
It's not far. That's where I come from. 25 minutes at the most.
I can be there in 25 minutes.
Perfect. My husband isn't home yet.
- Are you sure? - Yes, definitely.
He went to a party with his niece in Saint-Germain-en-Laye.
Hello?
Okay, that's it.
- Give me that phone. Lucie? - Ernest?
Honey bun, is that you?
- Yes, this is honey bun, slut. - No, but...
I'll kill you!
- How could I have known? - You're fucking my wife.
- Calm down! - I want to get out.
- I want to get out of this car! - Stop, stop.
Stop immediately, I want to get out!
Calm down!
Wow! Apparently Sam's fucking Ernest's wife!
Stop filming.
- The door. - The door, damn it.
Ernest, are you okay?
You can all go to hell.
Beautiful friends you've got.
Wait, Ernest. It's a misunderstanding.
"A misunderstanding"? Lucie who calls her husband "honey bun".
Ernest!
I'm honey bun. And you're fucking my wife.
- Bastards, go! - Ernest, come back.
Ernest, we've got to find the kid!
The cops, that's all we need!
Hold this, Sam.
- I had no idea it was his wife. - Shh!
Good evening, gentlmen.
Can you stop the engine and hand me the car papers?
Of course. No problem.
Stop!
- Alex, what are you doing? - Everything's under control.
Nothing's under control! You're insane!
Damn it, Alex! Stop!
I can't, I have no license.
And I don't have papers for the car!
What do you mean you don't have papers for the car?
Where did you find this car?
In the garage of the Schaudel family.
Tomorrow I’ll take it to a friend's garage, trust me.
- Guys, there's Rémi. - Oh yeah, Rémi.
- It's Rémi on his bike! - Turn around.
Are you stupid or what? The cops are after us.
- Alex, turn around. Fuck! - The cops are after us.
- I can't believe this. - Stop!
Oh fuck! They're coming!
- Good evening. - Stop immediately.
Yes, we’ll stop, right away.
- Pull over, you asshole! - I can't, I'm telling you!
Alex, I didn't bring my identity card. Please stop.
Don't worry.
Oh fuck! Stop the car, now!
I don't see you, I don't see you.
- Stop, Alex. Please. I'm begging you! - Alex, if we crash, I'll kill you!
- I swear! - Yes, yes.
- Damn! - You stop immediately!
Don't worry, I'm going to outrun them.
There we go, buddy!
I fucked them up. I'll go to the limit.
Sam, look.
Who is Sébastien Loeb of the woods? It's me.
- Now you should really stop. - Stop, damn it!
- I've got everything under control. - The rear view mirror!
Watch me manoeuvre. A rally!
Left, right!
This is fast! I outran them.
Now you can thank me.
Fortunately it's not broken.
Don't pull such a face.
It looks pretty impressive, but it's not that bad.
I outran them, right?
I want to die.
And I want you dead as well.
Now all we need is to find Rémi dead in the woods.
And then it's all over.
Don't worry, I'm sure he's fine.
I bet he's eating cotton candy.
Let's go find him.
The cops are coming. Let's get out of here.
Look, it's down there. There is the funfair.
Hurry.
- I can't see a thing. - Hurry up, they'll be here soon.
What have they done with my Range?
I don't care about your Range. Nor your house.
Aren't there more important things?
- Who is it? - No-one. Your mother.
She must have seen the abduction alert on TV. And you don't pick up?
No, it's bad enough already.
I didn't mean it like that. You know her. It'll take hours.
I should have listened to her.
Well?
He's not answering. Would he go home?
Sam, now you can go to his wife.
Shut up, Alex!
What a mess.
- Are you sure this is the way? - No idea.
And all these men here? Is there a parking lot?
A parking for dicks.
This is the wood of Saint-Germain, it's filled with prostitutes.
- Really? - Yes.
- Good evening. - Good evening.
- I was there for an investigation. - A big one.
What?
- Good evening. - Good evening.
- Hi.
- Where are we now?
Well, we've arrived.
Watch out Sonia, there's a hole.
- Watch out. - Be careful.
- Did you see how she looked at me? - She was a whore.
So what? What do you know about women?
- But, it's like wow. - Did you see how she looked at me?
- She's a whore, that's normal. - Did she look at you?
- No. Well then. - Here.
That's fine. She's a whore.
- She would want me. - For 50 euro.
She does it for 25 euros.
Oh yeah! In that case...
That reminds me of the time I was carefree and silly.
Last week?
We'll go find Rémi and then we're out of here. Come on.
Rémi!
Rémi! It's not him.
I found him, over there.
Sorry, sir.
He's here!
- Rémi. - Ah, good.
Okay, are you happy? You've done well, pinball.
- Let's go home. - No way.
Oh yes. Come on.
Listen, you know what?
I've had enough stress for one day.
- Get out of here. - You've had your fun!
Stop busting my balls, okay?
- You go. Leave me be! - We're leaving now.
Help. I'm being kidnapped!
- Stop that. Come on. - Help, they are pedof...
It's okay. I'll let you go.
He's joking.
- Isn't that right? - Yeah, no problem.
- He's joking. - We're going to eat.
Let's go.
We'll get a waffle.
Eat your waffle because we don't stay long.
Seriously? It's nice here.
- You eat it. It'll release the stress. - I don't want your waffle
- Take it, it's because I'm sorry. - I don't want it.
Please, accept my apology.
Okay, very funny. What fun we have.
Instead of laughing, pick an attraction, we're not staying long, I tell you.
That one!
You're too small for that. Forget it.
If someone goes with him it's fine.
But I tell you that you can't go.
Come on, I want to do this. Don't be a sissy.
- You're not very brave. - Franck isn't brave.
- I'll go with him, my little Rémi. - All right, I'll do it.
I just don't want him to get sick.
- Where can I buy tickets? - Over there.
- Hey, Remi! - Yeah?
You know you can still get out?
Yeah.
- You want out? - No, I'm fine.
Just say so.
Relax, Franck. It'll be fine.
I am relaxed.
Bye bye.
The power of the thing, huh?
On YouTube, there are plenty of videos of babes having orgasms on this ride.
- Really? - Yeah, I swear!
We can go together if you want.
You need a thing like that to make a girl cum?
But no, it's just...
He needs a ride like that to make a girl cum!
- But no. - What a loser.
Did you pee your pants?
Franck, I'm talking to you.
- Did you pee your pants? - No.
- Are you okay? - So cool.
Let's watch the video.
Look at that face.
Oh, my head!
An elastic mouth.
You were more scared than I was. Stop acting so tough.
- Look, you're scared. - It's too much!
It shows that you're more afraid than I am.
You get sick in there. We don't do that again.
Okay, now, where do we go next?
I don't know. Come on, let's see.
Motherfucker!
What was that? Is that it?
I don't feel so good.
- Is that for me? - What do I get in return?
A kiss.
- Have you seen a ghost? - Here.
Can I trade it in?
- No, there are some more attractions. - Come on.
Have you seen yours?
- What is a dark room? - A room where it's dark.
What? What is it?
- Shh. - Ah OK.
Which way?
- What was that? - I hit something. Careful.
- Alex, where are you? - Right behind you.
- Who is that? - It's me.
It's Sonia.
Oh yeah.
I can't see a damn thing.
Hey, Franck! You liked the attraction?
I've never had so many jitters.
- Really? - Yes.
- You liked it? - I'd go back in right away.
Why are you laughing?
- I filmed everything. - Great!
Why are you laughing?
We'll show you, but promise that you won't sulk.
- No problem. - So what?
You guys are no fun. It was a joke.
- We don't have the same sense of humour. - Oh, okay!
I'm the one who should be upset. You kissed a man,
and you couldn't tell the difference.
Great. Cozy setting. Awesome!
And Rémi, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Your boyfriend. If you're still pretty.
- It's good to have dreams. - He's right.
What's your dream, Alex?
Okay, thanks, Alex. Sam?
- Forget the last 30 minutes. - Already forgotten.
Franck?
- To publish his own comic. - I'd better forget that.
Now be serious, Rémi. A real dream...
Rémi?
That my father comes watch me play football.
I don't like football either.
- What's your dream, Sonia? - There's so much.
To have a penis for an hour, just to know what it's like.
Open a cupcake chain worldwide.
Experience a beautiful love affair with a good man. For once.
And that Franck and Sam stop sulking.
Yeah, that would be nice.
Okay, how cozy. Amazing.
What's she doing?
What did you ask for?
Something that makes you smile again.
- What is it? - Come on.
- No, I'm not. - Come sing. Come on.
- Come on, let go yourself! - Come on, Francky!
- Just like old times. - I can't sing.
Come on.
- That was great. - Very cool.
Not bad.
- You're jealous. - Thanks.
Oh shit!
But it was funny. You should let go more often.
I'm not a stiff-ass.
Then undo this button.
It's okay, I won't bite.
You do remember your farewell drink.
Why did you say otherwise?
Because you never called me back.
But now you have a friend.
If you can call it that. I've known him since yesterday.
- How far is it to your house? - I don't know, 30 minutes.
Oh, shit! It really sucks we don't have a car anymore!
At the dinner for idiots you'll be all alone.
- What are you doing? Get outta here! - Ernest?
- Get down from there! - Ernest, Ernest!
Get down from there!
- Okay okay, - He fucked my wife!
- What's the problem? Are you his buddy?
- Yes, I guess... - Do you know him?
Yes, why? What's going on?
Doesn't want to pay for his beer. Eating fries.
Taking the piss out of me.
- What don't you understand? - Nothing.
Are you making fun of me? Is that your friend?
He says he ate and drank
and refuses to pay.
- Don't you understand? - We're not laughing at you.
We hadn't understood. We will pay you. How much is it?
This is for the cuckold!
- Damn, Ernest, you fool. - My goodness.
Come Rémi, we're leaving!
- We're leaving. - That was quite a blow.
- Hide yourself. There. - Yes, over there.
Okay, Remi?
Damn, but what were you thinking?
It's not me, it's him, he fucked my wife.
We do not care! Because of you, the gypsies are after us.
They're pretty bad.
Even Chuck Norris leaves the gypsies alone.
There they are. Hide yourself.
Alright, they're gone. We can go.
- We can't. - What's wrong, Rémi? There's a problem?
- Did you bring my inhaler? - Your inhaler? I didn't bring it.
God, his asthma!
It'll be okay.
"It will be okay." This is serious. My brother died that way.
I don't want to hear you anymore.
Meanwhile, my brother-in-law is well and truly dead.
What did we tell you?
I'll be quiet.
We should call the fire department.
Then the gypsies will come here too.
And they'll call his parents.
It is 30 minutes walk to the house, Do you have another solution?
- 30 minutes, that's fine. - Shut the fuck up!
- There are go-karts. - Yes, the go-karts.
No way. Forget it.
- You got a better idea? - Let's go.
I'm a great driver.
- Hey! Don't touch me! - Shh!
What an idiot. I don't know if he can drive.
- Give me the camera. - Hurry up, hurry up.
Damn, hurry up!
- Careful Sam, behind you! - Oh, fuck!
Sam!
- Gas, hit the gas. - Get the camera.
What are you doing? We have to help Sam.
No, he's good in judo. We can't do nothing.
- You're flipping, right? - I am.
Film the track, that's great.
Oh, fuck!
Watch out! Out of the way!
Oh bastard!
This is a sick trick! Fast and Furious!
Vin Diesel can't beat that!
Watch out! Watch out!
- Where is Sam? - He had a problem.
What kind of problem?
The gypsies. Throw him your banana.
- What? - Your banana. Throw your banana at them.
Well done. Well done.
Look out ahead! Watch out!
Great. Is this your dream, Sonia?
Franck! How's Rémi?
We can't linger.
And they pass!
He fucked my wife.
Speed camera!
Too late!
It's dark! Damn, it rocks!
Sonia, help me with his helmet, quickly.
- Okay? - Yes, why?
Take his helmet off. Come on.
Come on, kid. We're there. Come on.
- Hold on, you'll be fine. - Out of the way.
Fuck! Sorry, Rémi. I didn't do it on purpose.
But we're here and you're a strong boy.
- Very strong. - Ernest is knocked out.
What's going on? What's this?
We have to do something quickly.
Make room and give me the inhaler.
Out of the way, damn it.
Inhale, Rémi.
One more time.
- Okay, Rémi? - Super cool, the go-cart.
Excuse me!
I have 14 pizzas for Franck Amory. Do you know who that is?
No, we don't know who that is.
He has to pay me, dammit! Fuck!
Mr. Schaudel! Now!
You're like the old guy from that cartoon.
- You've heard that before? - Yes, from Up.
- From Up. - Hey, he looks like the guy from Up!
Come on, people. The party is over.
It is over. It's over.
Come on, stop drinking.
Put it down! What the hell? That's not possible!
Put it down! What the hell? It's not possible!
Get down from there!
What's that?
And the samurai, get down.
- You can't come in. - Why not?
- You don't have a wristband. - No, I don't have a wristband.
- Then you can't come in. - I know the owner.
Look, the fish are eating ecstasy.
Look, he smokes a cigar from his ass.
Good evening, I'm Mr. Schaudel!
My breath smells because I'm a shit-head.
- Where did you find this? - Relax.
- Where did you find it? - In the cigar box.
I told you to stop.
Turn off the music!
Girls, that's a leather chair. Get off.
The party of lunatics.
No, there's is no "Wooh". You're done drinking.
Hey, dude. Want some stuff?
- Piss off with that shit. - What are you doing?
Hey, guys, I found a kid!
Paul, I'll break your neck.
Franck, I was just about to call you.
There's no point, the people won't leave.
I'll ask them to leave once more.
- No, we're going in the jacuzzi. - Yes.
Hey, leave the kid alone.
- Can we add this to the sangria? - No. Where did you find it?
- In the basement. - Don't touch that.
Hey, Franck! Where is the jacuzzi anyway?
They’ll throw him through the window.
Okay, Rémi? Stay there, I'll come get you.
Hey, bastard!
This is for the dirty fuck-SMS.
No one touches my ass. Fuck off, fatso.
And stop filming or I'll have my dog fuck your mother.
Alex, help me to get him out.
Rémi! Rémi!
- Come on, Rémi. - Come in.
- Come on. - Is your camera waterproof?
- My camera. - I don't care about your camera.
Do you think we have nothing else to do?
Thank you, ma'am. See you soon.
We'll dry you in your room. Watch out.
Sorry.
What's that smell?
You're an asshole, I know what you're up to.
Wait like everyone else.
Hey! What are you doing?
There he is. He gets a sausage for his birthday.
Damn, it's burning.
Get out! Everybody out!
Everybody out. Everybody out.
Fuck off, all of you!
Break it up!
What's got into him? Isn't it cooked enough?
What a battlefield.
Come on, go home.
Killjoy! No Christmas gifts for you.
Come on.
Get out. Go sleep at home.
Look. Look at this.
Look what you've done.
Come on, get up. Go home.
This is your fault. I hate you.
Don't worry. It's just a bit messy.
I'm home now, but tomorrow at 9 am I'll help you clean up.
I LOVE COCK
And what about everything that's broken?
- Like the car... - The car's not your fault.
It was stolen while you were sleeping and you heard nothing.
And about the house you say...
that people from Greenpeace invaded the place.
That they threatened to burn everything if Schaudel
didn't put his paper in the recycling box.
You did what you could,
but it was too late for the bird.
The bird?
I think they killed it, those bastards!
But you managed to save Rémi!
- The pizzas are paid for. - You're sure?
Alex, did you kill the parrot?
No, it wasn't us. It was Greenpeace.
I'm not joking! What's with the parrot?
But it was Greenpeace...
Don't go! Alex, where's the parrot?
Hello Franck.
You'll get to see this video some day.
I want to thank you. I never had such a good time.
Even though sometimes you're annoying.
I wish I had a dad like you.
Someone who takes care of me,
and does fun things with me from time to time, even if he is drunk.
And who thinks of me, not of himself.
So if you are looking for work, I'll take you on as my Dad.
Not the easiest job in the world, I grant you,
but you’ll be well paid. And you'll get reduced working hours.
- Rémi, where are you? - I'm coming.
- Where are you? - On the loo. I'm coming.
That's what I mean by annoying.
I have to go. Happy birthday.
That's the end. That's it.
I hope you had a good time with us.
Franck, your thoughts about your birthday?
Perhaps my last one, because I'm dead by tomorrow.
I don't know what to expect.
- Here you are. - Thank you.
Drink this and go to bed,
tomorrow we'll get up early.
I'm hungry. Famished.
Want a cupcake?
No, I'm not that hungry.
What's that noise?
What is that?
- Are there still people outside? - No.
My camera. My camera, quick.
Wicked! Wicked!
How funny! How funny!
Franck, look, the gentleman from Up.
Listen, I want to talk to Mr. and Mrs. Schaudel.
- Leave him alone. - I want to speak to Mrs. Schaudel.
Stop with all the bullshit. Stop laughing.
I think there's a problem.
Yes, there is a problem. It's you, you're the problem.
Just like that guy from Up.
- Get me down! - What is this madness?
I'll complain to the mayor!
Stop him. Deflate the balloons.
Throw rocks!
Shoot, Rémi.
This is the craziest thing I've ever filmed.
This definitely gets a million views on YouTube.
Why does it flash? The battery is flat!
Back to square one. Now we still know nothing.
On the contrary. I think we know a lot more.
He misses a father like you.
Could be, but we don’t know where the boy is.
I got it!
- What? - Gollum, from before.
We didn't know who it was.
He's the ugly monster from the movie The Lord of the Rings.
- Caillaud. - Yes?
Go wait in the office.
Right away!
They really have no respect. Even the boy's painting is ruined.
That's not the boy's, damn it!
Okay, listen.
They said they had to get up early this morning.
Do you know why? Apparently not to clean up.
Ah! Wait...
- What are you looking for? - I think I know where they are.
Franck! Franck!
Franck, it's me!
What an ordeal to get up. Such a headache.
I have something to clean the walls.
Mr. and Mrs. Schaudel, you are back.
What happened here last night... It's unbelievable.
Armed men from Greenpeace invaded here.
They broke everything. We have seen the video.
Listen Mr. Schaudel, it got out of hand, but it wasn't our fault.
We saved everything we could.
Your porcelain plate, for example,
Franck told me you are so attached to it. So we saved it.
I'm sorry.
That's for Goblem.
Damn.
Let me go. I'm not going to say a thing.
It's all Franck's fault.
I swear. Let me go.
Come on, Rémi!
Great!
Hi.
Back already? You said you wouldn't be back until 6 pm.
Did the ceremony go well?
Good.
Did you just arrive or have you already been home?
Listen, it's not what you think.
Men from Greenpeace...
- It might not... - Shut up.
I promised my wife to not beat you up. Don't tempt me.
Now that's a football match!
I forgot the hotdog.
- Marc... - Mr. Schaudel.
I'm not here for you. They are.
You won't be arrested here.
I don't want to ruin my son's final.
They're waiting for you.
A Range Rover: 85,000 euros.
A Steinway piano: 24,000 euros.
22 bottles of grand cru, a shirt...
and moral damages for the plate and the parrot.
You're in deep shit.
So listen to me, little asshole...
No, you'll listen to me.
Okay, we made a mess at your home.
But Rémi has really blossomed.
Without us you wouldn't even be here today.
I also have no money to pay you back.
One more thing: no need to come in on Monday.
What did he say?
I shouldn't come in on Monday.
You got a day off? Cool. Because I'm knackered.
Young man, can I have an autograph?
Dad!
Did you see me score?
Yes, I saw it.
And against such opponents.
- Did you see it, Mom? - Yes, dear.
Shall we go?
Okay, we have to go.
Mr. Amory, we have something to discuss.
Wait, one minute please.
I won't forget this evening.
Don't move, stay there!
That's me, Franck Amory.
Handsome in the drawing, but even better in real life.
Today I achieved my dream.
thanks to a highly motivated publisher.
- Have a good day, bye. - Hello/
Hello.
- Lots of people. - Keep signing...
What's your name?
Rémi, we have to leave, or we'll be too late.
- Bye Franck. - Bye.
- Good luck for the match. - Yeah.
Translated by Subransu