LOONIES & PHONIES
- You want some coffee? - I don't have time.
I don't have time.
- I'll be late. - Don't talk with your mouth full.
You know what, Simone? I was thinking going with you to school.
- To school? - To say hello to your friends...
Friends! I've hardly made any.
I realize that. But I'm ready.
Just be a ordinary mother.
An ordinary mother would come along. Right?
- A typical mom does not look like that! - Like what?
Like an extra in a hippie film!
- Ashamed of your mother, are you? - Well, what do you think?
- Simon — Was it Simon you're called? - Yes.
Simon...
Have you been sick?
No, but Grandpa came.
We had to go to hospital and return some boots.
And pick up a cello...
Tell me at break!
We're writing now.
Your writing sample. Go sit down now.
Pepsi...
Eyes on your paper, Kattis.
Danny!
Stop that!
What is this?
Passing papers in class.
- Are you cheating? - I'm not cheating.
And you lie too?
I haven't cheated.
What is this then? Let's just see what it says.
You may want to read yourself.
Miss can read it.
Forgive me, Isak. I get carried away sometimes.
It's you, Simon, I should have yelled out for cheating.
Don't play the fool!
It says right here: "No, Simon...
"... I don't want to cheat. Ask someone else. Isak.''
There is no point in playing innocent.
So good. We'll talk at break.
- Simon, you stay. - Have fun.
Do you see how stupid it was? Do you?
Yes.
What's he been up to?
He's been helping me grade papers.
Oh yeah... But keep an eye on him.
You don't seem to have made a good impression on Master Duvan.
Sit down.
Simon
You must learn to fit in. I have a good class.
I want to keep it that way.
I understand that starting a new school is difficult.
I should talk to your parents.
That's not necessary.
Are you worried about something?
Something at school — or at home?
No.
Don't be afraid to tell me.
There's nothing.
Run along. But you...
Don't forget what I have said.
No. Goodbye.
She was pissed, huh?
Furious.
Bad, eh?
Terrible.
Then we are even, piss-rat.
Now we can be friends.
- It's good. - Thank you.
You should not play with food.
Ugh, you're so gross!
The world's most disgusting. Look, we're so disgusting.
Damn!
What, you again?
- He punches hard, huh? - Terrible.
We're outta here.
Jump off
- Where are we? - Wait and see. Come on.
- Cool, huh? - Yes.
Simon, come here. Click that.
Wait... Now you can press it.
It works! Pepsi! I'm the greatest!
Pepsi is the best at that. Have a light?
- Do you want to hear another one? - No! Please!
He can let one any time he wants.
He's been training since he was little.
The laundry room was full of his smelly boxers.
- What are you going to do about your birds? - Damn!
I don't have any.
Tell her they have gastritis.
She'd never believe me.
Why did you say it?
I'll have the birds in the morning.
It'll work out.
How?
It just will. Leave it to me.
Time to go!
To the swimming pool!
Come on, Simon.
I don't want to swim.
But we have to.
Duvan goes crazy if you're late.
I'm coming.
Simon! Where you going? Time for swimming.
We have limited time in the pool. No time to chase the birds.
Birds? There's seventeen birds that I need to come up with.
Simon! Simon, out!
Out! Simon!
Pervert!
Stop looking!
Come along!
You can stop now.
Ridiculous! What were you thinking?
Now you stay in the locker room for the rest of the hour!
Crawl! Kick with your feet... so...
Bend your knees.
Stretch your arms forward as far as you can.
I'm diving from 5th level.
You shouldn't.
Isak! Isak! Come down immediately!
Where have you been?
Haven't you heard? He was in the girls' locker room.
Tell me... Did you see Kattis's tits?
- There was nothing to see. - Damn, you're crazy.
Miss, I cannot draw the wing. And the bill is too large.
Sit down and I'll help you.
How do you draw a seagull?
Pepsi, can you help Simon draw a seagull?
Here's a seagull flying.
Over the water.
This is sharp.
Seagull reflected in the water.
The first hunter shoots one shot and misses, and shoots and misses.
This is just for guys.
Then shoots another shot and misses there.
This hunter shoots a shot near and so a shot...
brings down a seagull, and here is the beak.
Now you know how to draw a seagull.
What are you doing?
Blötan, blow your nose.
What is that?
Those are my panties! Give them here!
Give her her panties!
Quiet! Quiet!
Sit down!
Now we'll stop for today.
Pepsi and Blötan, you clean up!
Isak, don't forget the birds!
All right.
- Simon, close the window. - All right.
- I'm glad you came to our class. - Are you?
You're not like the other guys.
You're... different somehow.
I don't really know... It's hard to explain.
You're more genuine.
What do you mean "genuine?"
You just are who you are.
I live here. Goodbye.
I like you.
And I you. But I have to go in.
Wait.
You must hear this song.
Is it good?
Yes?
You bit my lip, Simon!
Oh damn!
What are you doing in my garden?
What a fool!
It's my mother's boyfriend.
You call that art?
It's for a weekly magazine.
It's a lousy picture, my hen.
Will the Father be quiet now?
To do a picture of the Mother and the joy of life!
Take a look, how glad she looks.
She knows nothing of happiness!
I suppose she had no Father to guide her.
Father cannot move in and play God-the-Father, as he did to Mother.
I don't live here. I can move.
Do it, then!
- I will do it, then! - Then do it!
- Hello. - Hey, baby.
- What happened? - What?
Now you shall see.
Come on, you'll see.
This is for you. A surprise.
What is it?
It's for you. I got it today.
You were so sad about Kilroy.
I thought this might cheer you up a little.
Happy?
- Sorry. - What?
Thank you, Yngve. But it is not Kilroy.
Is not it cute?
It is very cute.
I bought it for you.
I'm sorry.
I have to wait for my dog to come back.
Don't you realize? He will not be back!
He may have been hit by a car!
Let's take the puppy back.
Then you and I will take a road trip.
It'll have to be a taxi if we do.
So you are Simon Kroll now?
Yes.
Why does everything happen to me?
Does it never end?
You're a nutcase.
I don't want to be a nutcase. Can I not be?
It's the little devils...
they're playing with you.
If there was one who created the universe...
with snails, and suns, and worms, and humans...
it was no mundane. Normal.
It was a pretty divine nutcase.
If he'd created a paradise, where nothing was ever amiss...
he'd get bored, and it'd lead to...
a longing for adventure.
So he takes guise of a devil...
and brings with him confusion and nonsense...
To give himself a good story to laugh about.
You understand?
No.
Are you going now? Leaving?
I will stay a while.
Show me. What will happen now?
English subtitles by Bill Davis